WHAT THEY DIDN’T KNOW IS….

Poster held up by a person with a pink beanie. Poster reads, "They tried to bury us but they didn't know we were seeds"

During a transition period in my life, I once received a card from a colleague. We were both advancing to the next steps in our professional journeys. On top of the card read, “They tried to bury us, they didn’t know we were seeds.” I felt moved by the sentiment mostly because of how it spoke so knowingly from a place of shared turmoil, that despite the deep hole we found ourselves in, our story was not over. For the same reason, this phrase has meant a lot to Latin American communities who were protesting human rights abuses by authorities in Mexico and also along the US border. 

Speak Your Truth

I am reminded of an image I once came across while walking at a park in the state of Oregon. I saw it under a bridge as I walked along the river, a graffiti writer had tagged the wall, “Speak Your Truth.” Underneath it was painted in red lettering: “Save your breath”. The first statement had been written in black and crossed out with a red line. I thought maybe the lines had been composed together for emotional impact, or perhaps there were two writers involved with competing convictions. Whichever the case I felt the tension between the two and the inner conflict felt familiar.

Along with this tension, I remember feeling angry and a surge of determined hope that I must not give up listening for buried stories within myself and within others. I want to believe for myself and for others that we are not alone and that there are still places to speak one’s truth. I am convinced that telling these stories is part of what is necessary to accelerate revolutionary change in our communities. I wanted to reach the despair of whoever wrote “Save your breath.” But I felt frustrated because I saw no pathway toward finding this person. Being a songwriter the only thing I could think to do is to make my message soar into the air like only music can. So, I wrote a song. I suppose a part of me wished it would somehow reach the ears of the writer sort of like an incantation that would act as a medicine for that person’s injury.

Graffiti on a wall

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The Trauma of Oppressive Systems

Perhaps you have also suffered under longstanding oppression which had you wondering if you should save your breath. You feel silenced, ignored, or delegitimized. You need to hear that justice will prevail. Those of us who count ourselves, members of marginalized communities, we hunger for this message: “Speak your truth: I’m listening. It matters.” 

The ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, spoke so eloquently about how in nature softness often overcomes hardness. He famously pointed out, “Water is the softest thing, yet it can penetrate mountains and earth. This shows clearly the principle of softness overcoming hardness.” In The Activist’s Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for a Modern Revolution, William Martin writes about how inherent in the Way of Tao is not only its quietist elements which do not achieve change through a desire to control through force or violence. There is also the “cleansing force of a rushing river”, it’s active power or Yang which are found in the classic book of wisdom, the Tao Te Ching. For me the wisdom in Taoism harmonizes well with the phrase, “They tried to bury us, they didn’t know we were seeds.”

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Racial Justice and Mindfulness

So where does this leave you? How might you be telling yourself, “Save your breath”? One of the often-untold impacts of racial trauma is how we internalize its devaluing messages. Rhonda Magee writes in her book, The Inner Work of Racial Justice: Healing Ourselves and Transforming Our Communities Through Mindfulness, how one of the less obvious ways that living in racialized society afflicts us is that we can so easily turn on ourselves and adopt the hardness of a mountain of oppression. In doing so, we smother any attempt in making space for our most vulnerable selves to breathe, grow, and heal. This is not to say that there is a substitute for social movements that are addressing the power dynamics that place communities of color at a disadvantage. Collective activism is necessary and has a proven historical track record for generating progress. But there is work to be done also on an internal level that deepens our awareness of how we minimize our freedom, connection to community resources, and sense of value in the world. It is this healing that I am speaking of. I invite you to participate in that journey by telling the rest of your story as you break upward thru the earth triumphantly saying, “What they didn’t know is….” 

Ruben True-Romero, Professional Counselor Associate

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We All Do The Best We Can

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As we begin the new season, with excitement and anticipation of warmer weather, new growth for the Earth, and longer days, I think it’s an appropriate time to turn that energy inwards, towards better mental health.

Inwards towards what? Forgiveness. For self. We are all doing the best we can. At any given moment, the choices we make, the behaviors we engage in, and the living we do, are determined by what we know, have, and who we are. That will change and we will make different choices and engage in different behaviors. As Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”⁠

Why is this perspective important? Because judging ourselves only adds to the sadness/anxiety/misery that we might feel. Trust that you’re doing the best you can and you’re learning. When you know better, you’ll do better. Forgiveness for self helps us to grow increases our mental health.

Have you ever looked back and thought about how you’ve changed? The way you walk through this world? What do you know now that you didn’t know then? How have you forgiven yourself? We would love to hear from you! Let’s forgive and heal together. ⁠

Boundaries: You Are Allowed to Say No

Repeat after me: boundary is not a bad word. ⁣⁠
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Boundaries are simply our limits. These limits can be in any area. And I don’t mean the farthest limit you can set. I mean the limit that makes you feel good. For example, a boundary that we are taught early on is about our bodies and who can/can’t touch us. ⁣⁣⁠
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Many myths exist about boundaries & I’ve illustrated a few here. Boundaries are healthy & natural. We all have different types of boundaries. ⁣⁣⁠
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This part is REALLY important. I often hear things like, “Boundaries are a Western thing” or “American thing” and THAT IS NOT TRUE. The concept of boundaries exist in every culture and subsequently, they look different in every culture but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. ⁣⁣⁠
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What I think people are reacting to when they say such things is, “I don’t like boundaries because it means I don’t get to operate in my unhelpful & sometimes dysfunctional ways towards other people”. This outlook is also informed by the culture of origin but make no mistake, setting boundaries in even Western cultures is hard.⁣⁣⁠
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Within Muslim & South Asian communities, boundaries, particularly for women, are supposed to be non-existent, very flexible, or determined by others. Which presents problems for many of these women as their needs are not met, they don’t have an amount of space that works for them, and they are left without a sense of agency in their life. ⁣⁣⁠
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As we begin boundaries week, I want you to reflect on the negative beliefs you hold about boundary setting. Write them down. And then evaluate them for truth. I might write down, “Boundaries mean I am selfish” as a belief. Then evaluating them for truth might read, “Asking for what I need & getting it makes me happier, safer, & more productive. That isn’t selfish”.⁣⁣⁠
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Share below: What have you heard about boundaries? What negative beliefs do you hold about boundaries?

Find The Right Counselor For You

Seeking help for the challenges of life, regardless of severity, is never an easy step to take. Even today, a stigma against counseling exists. So, once that difficult first step has been taken (which is often the hardest part!) and an initial visit or consultation has been set, how can you know that this counselor is the “right” one? Keep reading to learn how to find the right counselor for you.

Questions to Ask a Prospective Counselor

Here is a list of suggested questions to ask a prospective counselor to help you make that decision:

Initially, it may be worthwhile to ask basic questions regarding the counselor’s background, style, and how they generally conduct business. For example:

-What is their cancellation policy?

-What are their qualifications and credentials?

-What is their availability?

-How much do sessions cost?

-What are their area(s) of expertise?

-What do they believe to be their strengths as a counselor?

Ask About Treatment Specifics

It is also useful to get an idea of what kind of treatment this individual will be providing, so prepare to ask questions such as:

-How will they help to resolve the specific issues presented?

-Who will “lead” the sessions?

-What does their treatment generally look like? (i.e, are sessions more focused on practicing useful skills, such as role-play or general teaching with take-home assignments?)

-How do they set up counseling goals? What would be a “successful” outcome?

By asking these questions and considering how you felt during that first interaction, making a decision about who to see for the life-changing process of counseling can be more manageable. As you try to find the right counselor for you, remain open and curious as you move through this journey.

Therapy for Anxiety and Healing in Oregon and Online

Are you tired of thinking, “Log kya kahenge (what will people say)”, having arguments via text message, posting mysterious social media statuses hoping that one person will read them, serotonin loading on the humane society’s website, or being confused about what boundary setting means? If so, we can help!

Why Vulnerability Can Be Freeing

Have you ever wondered about your true purpose and the meaning of your life? Perhaps this has been a constant, life-long search, or one that you have had to pick up over and over. Years of research led Brené Brown to argue that when we are vulnerable to fully experiencing our life, good and bad, we achieve that ever-sought-after fulfillment we are all wanting. What does vulnerability have to do with it?

What is Vulnerability?

Vulnerability is defined as “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.”

From definition alone, being vulnerable looks like a pretty serious weakness or flaw in character. Why would we purposely choose to consistently place ourselves in situations where physical or emotional harm are possible? Well, our being here, alive and on this earth, has pretty much put us in vulnerability 24/7/365, whether we’ve actively chosen it or not.

To put it bluntly, we weren’t created to sit around comfortably in a constant state of bliss. Society inundates us with the idea that we need to essentially do all that we can to avoid feeling negative emotions. In other words, society only wants us to experience our lives half-way. Ironically, when we work to eliminate all negative feelings from our lives, we are numbing our ability to feel the positive ones.

Here’s an example: In high school Jane’s sweetheart broke her heart. Years later, she is still reeling from the painful memory of it. She has vowed to never go on another date and has accepted that nights at home alone are better than the possibility of feeling that kind of hurt all over again. Can you think of ways Jane may be missing out simply to avoid a possibility of a negative feeling? She’s essentially trading the prospect of a beautiful, fulfilling life with the person of her dreams for a watered-down version of joy in her avoidance.

Embracing Our Emotions

When we learn to embrace feeling the negative emotions we normally try to avoid (e.g., shame, fear, guilt, disappointment, heartbreak, anger, etc.), and only then, can we fully experience the best emotions: peace, happiness, worthiness, love, hope and fulfillment. Our lives literally begin to explode with possibilities. What an incredible promise.

Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Emotions

Are there emotions you’re avoiding?

What are they?

Can you see them holding you back?

What are you not getting out of your life as a result?

What would be the worst thing to happen if you went ahead and felt that negative emotion?

Do you think having what you truly desire is worth feeling that emotion?

You are destined to do and be all that you could possibly imagine. So, let us all embrace the idea that vulnerability could actually turn out to be a good thing. (Okay, maybe even the BEST thing.) Let it be the state of being that we strive to embrace, to uncover all the glorious adventures that are meant to be ours and ultimately find our life’s meaning and purpose.

Counseling for People Looking to Step

Into Their Vulnerability

Are you tired of thinking, “Log kya kahenge (what will people say)”, having arguments via text message, posting mysterious social media statuses hoping that one person will read them, serotonin loading on the humane society’s website, or being confused about what boundary setting means? If so, we can help!