We All Do The Best We Can

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As we begin the new season, with excitement and anticipation of warmer weather, new growth for the Earth, and longer days, I think it’s an appropriate time to turn that energy inwards, towards better mental health.

Inwards towards what? Forgiveness. For self. We are all doing the best we can. At any given moment, the choices we make, the behaviors we engage in, and the living we do, are determined by what we know, have, and who we are. That will change and we will make different choices and engage in different behaviors. As Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”⁠

Why is this perspective important? Because judging ourselves only adds to the sadness/anxiety/misery that we might feel. Trust that you’re doing the best you can and you’re learning. When you know better, you’ll do better. Forgiveness for self helps us to grow increases our mental health.

Have you ever looked back and thought about how you’ve changed? The way you walk through this world? What do you know now that you didn’t know then? How have you forgiven yourself? We would love to hear from you! Let’s forgive and heal together. ⁠

Boundaries: You Are Allowed to Say No

Repeat after me: boundary is not a bad word. ⁣⁠
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Boundaries are simply our limits. These limits can be in any area. And I don’t mean the farthest limit you can set. I mean the limit that makes you feel good. For example, a boundary that we are taught early on is about our bodies and who can/can’t touch us. ⁣⁣⁠
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Many myths exist about boundaries & I’ve illustrated a few here. Boundaries are healthy & natural. We all have different types of boundaries. ⁣⁣⁠
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This part is REALLY important. I often hear things like, “Boundaries are a Western thing” or “American thing” and THAT IS NOT TRUE. The concept of boundaries exist in every culture and subsequently, they look different in every culture but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. ⁣⁣⁠
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What I think people are reacting to when they say such things is, “I don’t like boundaries because it means I don’t get to operate in my unhelpful & sometimes dysfunctional ways towards other people”. This outlook is also informed by the culture of origin but make no mistake, setting boundaries in even Western cultures is hard.⁣⁣⁠
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Within Muslim & South Asian communities, boundaries, particularly for women, are supposed to be non-existent, very flexible, or determined by others. Which presents problems for many of these women as their needs are not met, they don’t have an amount of space that works for them, and they are left without a sense of agency in their life. ⁣⁣⁠
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As we begin boundaries week, I want you to reflect on the negative beliefs you hold about boundary setting. Write them down. And then evaluate them for truth. I might write down, “Boundaries mean I am selfish” as a belief. Then evaluating them for truth might read, “Asking for what I need & getting it makes me happier, safer, & more productive. That isn’t selfish”.⁣⁣⁠
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Share below: What have you heard about boundaries? What negative beliefs do you hold about boundaries?

Find The Right Counselor For You

Seeking help for the challenges of life, regardless of severity, is never an easy step to take. Even today, a stigma against counseling exists. So, once that difficult first step has been taken (which is often the hardest part!) and an initial visit or consultation has been set, how can you know that this counselor is the “right” one? Keep reading to learn how to find the right counselor for you.

Questions to Ask a Prospective Counselor

Here is a list of suggested questions to ask a prospective counselor to help you make that decision:

Initially, it may be worthwhile to ask basic questions regarding the counselor’s background, style, and how they generally conduct business. For example:

-What is their cancellation policy?

-What are their qualifications and credentials?

-What is their availability?

-How much do sessions cost?

-What are their area(s) of expertise?

-What do they believe to be their strengths as a counselor?

Ask About Treatment Specifics

It is also useful to get an idea of what kind of treatment this individual will be providing, so prepare to ask questions such as:

-How will they help to resolve the specific issues presented?

-Who will “lead” the sessions?

-What does their treatment generally look like? (i.e, are sessions more focused on practicing useful skills, such as role-play or general teaching with take-home assignments?)

-How do they set up counseling goals? What would be a “successful” outcome?

By asking these questions and considering how you felt during that first interaction, making a decision about who to see for the life-changing process of counseling can be more manageable. As you try to find the right counselor for you, remain open and curious as you move through this journey.

Therapy for Anxiety and Healing in Oregon and Online

Are you tired of thinking, “Log kya kahenge (what will people say)”, having arguments via text message, posting mysterious social media statuses hoping that one person will read them, serotonin loading on the humane society’s website, or being confused about what boundary setting means? If so, we can help!